I don't really have as much to say as last time, I just really want to mention how much worse my epilepsy has gotten. It's become more difficult to manage my symptoms, and the symptoms themselves seem to be getting more intense as time goes on. I've noticed I have an increasing sensitivity to flashing lights, so Media Maniac entries are likely to not be as common, while Literary Lunatic entries are likely to become more common. However, at the moment, I'm lacking in the energy to read full-on novels thanks to how much reading I'm having to do for my classes, so I mostly have been focusing on manga. I might delve into some webcomics, if I decide to discuss those. There are some really good comics I love, like City of Blank and whatnot, and I think it'd be fun to discuss some of the finished comics I love to death, but that remains to be seen.
For the record, I'm not doing this for anyone else. Heck, I don't think anyone actually follows my blog or reads these. But I enjoy writing them anyways and I want to keep writing these entries for my own sake. Writing an entry, even a shorter entry like this one, is writing. And I want to write more. A lot more. I want to eventually write a novel, so writing a little bit like this more frequently probably is helping. Plus, who knows? Maybe one day, this site will see more traffic as the personal website of a famous author. Though, that would require me to drop the name, "Cosmos," which I'm very attached to. That and the alien thing.
The only real life updates I have are that I began drafting out an entry about Death Note that'll focus on the first arc, which I mentioned before. I just have written down some thoughts, but the page itself isn't going to be linked anywhere until I finish it, at which point it'll probably be one of the most substantial entries I've written. I intend on discussing the characters, art, world, etc. in full detail. The previous entry was more on my thoughts as I revisited the story and about my personal history with Death Note, but I think the next entry that discusses Death Note will probably be more about the story itself. I think that'd be more my speed and a lot better overall, though I didn't mind the more personal entry about my personal history with the story.
Another major update is I was able to acquire a couple manga volumes I might discuss. They're manga based on American superheroes, but they still seem interesting enough. I'll probably save them for after Death Note, though, unless I really want to discuss them sooner rather than later. They are a lot shorter, and reading physical books has always been easier than any sort of digital version of a story. I'm not sure why, but the digital realm feels a lot more overwhelming. It's likely it's deliberately designed to be that way. Whenever I delve into stories within the digital world, I end up feeling overwhelmed by them. I see the long list of chapters and the great many other stories I want to experience and just get really stressed. This especially applies to video games. I want to finish up Kingdom Hearts but also want to start playing .hack//Infection but that requires me to finish rewatching .hack//SIGN but that requires me to have the energy to even watch anime and right now I don't have that but also I want to read Death Note but that manga seems so long and also I want to delve back into some manga like Yu-Gi-Oh but that one is also really long and it's been so long since I actually read Yu-Gi-Oh that I question if I should just start over from chapter one and write entires within this blog about the manga, but then that'd be a problem because it'd probably be boring to reread that manga and then I'll have a lot more chapters to read and that feels overwhelming. And since I'm reading all of those digitally, it becomes a problem.
I think the exception with digital books could perhaps be if I brought out my old Kindle e-reader. And when I say old, I mean old old. Before Amazon was stupid big (back when they were mostly about books) and using that "digital ink" system that looks so cool. I still have some books on there, and I don't think I'd mind reading some books on there, but it's a pain to read comics or manga on there, so digital is probably my best option for now. Unless I decided to start buying manga volumes more regularly, which is always an option. If I started doing that, I could make it a monthly thing. It'd still take a while for me to get through any substantial manga, but it'd be reasonably affordable for my finances and reasonably fun. Yeah, that sounds nice.
Maybe after the semester is over, I'll focus on finishing the novel I'm reading (which, thanks to the fact I started reading it on the way to visit my ex-girlfriend (which may be a subject for another time because honestly, dating was kind of a mistake for someone like myself, who doesn't understand humans and is likely aromantic), I somewhat associate it with her and there are some negative emotions involved. But I still really like the novel. It also kind of reminds me of the feeling of adventure I had in visiting her, flying in a plane for the first time in years and doing so without anyone in my overbearing human family knowing. And it probably helped that I did enjoy her company and do enjoy remaining friends with her, but I think those feelings of missing her, combined with the burnout and worsening epilepsy symptoms have made it a lot more difficult to read a full novel. Not that there's anything wrong with only reading manga, of course, but I do still want to finish that novel. It's a really good, well-written novel, but it's just been difficult lately. I don't know if it is accurate to say it's because of the association with someone whom I think despises me as of late for reasons I can't pinpoint or if it's just because of my current circumstances of being stressed constantly and having worsening epilepsy symptoms, or if it's some sort of combination of all of the above. I hate how confusing this all is, and how much my epilepsy just complicates things.
On one final note, because this entry is longer than I thought it was (and not short like I promised it'd be at the start), I think I may find some fun way to refer to the readers of this blog, even if I don't think anyone actually reads it (maybe a good way to see if anyone reads it would be to start a mailing list or to make a guestbook), because it'd be a fun thing to add to the way I end entries. Perhaps something like "my fellow aliens" or something along those lines? I think anyone reading this blog in earnest and who tolerates a lot of the aesthetics and eccentricities I've got going on probably feels similarly alienated as I do, so something like that would be fitting.
Until I can figure that out (and honestly I'm tired of always putting that on my closing statement, but there's a lot of uncertainty within my thoughts when I write these entries, so it's not like there's much I can do about it), this is Cosmos, signing out.